After being married 25 years, a man looked at his wife one day and said, “You know, 25 years ago we lived in a cheap apartment, drove a cheap car, had only a sofa bed and watched a 14-inch black and white television. But, every night I got to sleep with a hot 25-year-old blonde.
“Now,” [...]

A man entered a fast-food restaurant and noticed an elderly couple splitting one hamburger, a small amount of French fries and a cup of sweet tea.
The man noticed the husband carefully splitting up the meal with his wife, even counting the fries. Before going to the counter to order, he walked up to the couple [...]

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. He calls it a poem. They give him $50.”
The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper. He calls it a song. They [...]

Today’s Parenting Tip: Treat a difficult child the way you would your boss at work.
Praise his achievements, ignore his tantrums and resist the urge to sit him down and explain to him how his brain is not yet fully developed.
A newly married couple went fishing on their vacation. Afterward, the wife’s mother asked how it [...]

An older man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg.
“I am afraid it’s just old age,” replied the doctor. “There is nothing we can do about it.”
“That can’t be,” fumed the older man. “You don’t know what you are doing.”
“How can you possibly know I am wrong?” countered the doctor.
“Well [...]

Tom, Dave and Steve went to a party. After the party, they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 60 stories high. Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 20 stories, Tom will crack jokes.
The second 20 stories Dave will tell a happy story, and lastly, Steve [...]

An elderly gentleman with serious hearing problems goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100 percent for the first time in many years.
The elderly man goes back in a month for a check-up. The doctor says, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased [...]

The patient who came to my radiology office for abdominal X-rays was already heavily sedated, but I still had to ask her a lot of questions.
The last one was, “Ma’am, where is your pain right now?”
Through her medicated fog she answered, “He’s at work!”
Bobby Langley,
of Rocky Mount
A friend was in front of me coming out [...]

The phone rings at FBI headquarters and the agent says, “Hello?”
“I’m calling to report my neighbor. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood,” the caller says.
“Thank you very much for the call, sir,” the agent responds.
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using [...]

A police officer was taking a vandalism report at an elementary school when he was interrupted by a 6-year-old girl. She looked up and down at his uniform and asked, “Are you a policeman?”
“Yes, I am,” he said.
“My mother told me that if I ever needed help I should ask a policeman. Is that right?” [...]